Kauai, Bitches!!!

Surprise! That’s right! Kauai, bitches!

I had some unexpected time off from work so I called (okay emailed) my friend Marci and asked if she was up for some travel. Working her magic, she found a 2 bedroom villa at the Marriott on Kauai for the week at disgustingly low prices. A quick purchase of airfare followed by a day o’ hell getting here and I am basking in the 105% humidity of beautiful Kauai.

View from the villa

It all started Saturday with my flight on lovely Hawaiian Airlines leaving at 10:15am. No problems getting to the airport…just a few thoughts about perhaps having a beer at the Rougue near the gate even though it was only 9am. The answer, for those interested was “no”.

We boarded on time and then sat there. Right at 10:15, the dreaded announcement came through. Those of you who have heard this know what I mean when I say hearing the worlds “the ground crew is checking out a mechanical problem and this should only take a few minutes” means it’s going to be hours. We sat there on the plane (I was in an exit row and had no one sitting next to me so I was fairly comfortable…just on a plane) for a couple of hours before the captain came back on the air to let us know we were lucky enough to add Seattle to our itinerary! Yay!

See the plane was made by Boeing and they have a big plant in Seattle so it was faster to fly the plane up to the part than to have that part driven down to us in Portland. Of course, the thought ran through my mind that if we could fly up to Seattle to fix it, why not Honolulu? Another thought was if there was a broken part, why were we flying at all?

Anyway, one 20 minute flight later, Seattle there we were! They kindly(?) provided $12 food vouchers for lunch and said be back by 4:30 (note this was later than when we should have arrived in Honolulu). I had some weak pizza and then headed to “Seattle Taproom” for an extended stay. Their selection of beers was decent, but most important; they had Manny’s Pale Ale on tap. Friends, if you are ever in Seattle and enjoy a good beer, find Manny’s and thank me later.

To make a long story less long, we finally got out of Seattle at 7PM and made it to Honolulu at 10 local time. There were enough people with connecting flights to Kauai that the airline held up the last plane out for us and I landed on the island around 11PM. 8 hours late, but here nonetheless. I am now the proud owner of a $200 “sorry for the wait” coupon to be used within a year and a lingering doubt I will ever want to use it with this airline (to be fair, the flight crew was awesome…its just that plane sat in Portland overnight and no one noticed the oil leak until we had to leave? Really?)

Got up early yesterday to run (yes…I know) and did a muggy loop around the property here. Note to self: when running on asphalt at 5:30am and its still dark, speed bumps are hard to see.

Marci and I left for the day with the plan to do a little snorkeling followed by a short 2 mile hike along the Naapali coast on the northern end of the island. We stopped at a bay where dolphins were supposed to cavort but didn’t see any cavorting occurring. The plan switched around to instead hike the coast to this beautiful beach and then snorkel there. Total consumable supplies for this foray: 2L Camelback w/water, 1L plastic bottle of water, 2 cliff bars and a container of Caramel Delight Trail Mix purchased at a local store.

Side note: Marci joins the cool people who don’t really like raisins. Caramel Delight: Cashews, Almonds, Dried Cranberries, chocolate chips, and caramel balls of goodness.

We drove to the end of the road and parked. There is only one main road on the north end. That’s the one you take. Can’t miss it. The trailhead said the beach, Hanakapiai Beach, was 2 miles away upping the fun to 4 miles total. We were feeling our oats and figured 4 miles is nothing! Ironically, we left a pretty nice looking beach behind to start this journey.

The trail started with a nice (steep) climb for 3-400 feet before leveling off, for the most part for the next mile and a half. The initial part was pretty damp and rocky, but the level areas were mostly dry.

View from trail along the coastline

Approaching the beach, it is a pretty steep descent and I was thinking “this is going to suck going back”. Plus we passed a sign almost at the beach warning against getting in the water as people died doing so. We met up with what turned out to be a local guy close to there who confirmed what the sign said, but there were some falls, Hanakpiai Falls, just another 2 miles in that were well worth it.

View of Beach o' Death from the trail.

We made it to the beach and took a break eating some of the delightful Caramel Delight and sharing some with the feral cats that were mooching off all the people who were snacking. Interesting side note: Feral cats don’t do dried cranberries. I was thinking beggars/chooser but I guess the kitty wasn’t buying.

We sat there enjoying the breeze and the first of many brief showers before deciding: 2 cliff bars + most of the water = falls!

The initial part of the trail up to the falls was dry and sucks you in with promises of no worries and happy fun. Then it turns into the Slippery Jungle of Death. Serious slick mud that has turned into shoe-wide channels 3 inches deep which were only mostly terrible going up, but coming back filled me with visions of the mud/rain slide at the beginning of Romancing the Stone. Yes I realize I dated myself pretty badly there, but if you are too young to know what I am talking about…you suck. This Slippery Jungle of Death continued the theme of the day that Marci was trying to kill me. She had earlier threatened to push me off the trail if I complained. Then she led me to a beach that kills people if you get in the water. Now, it’s the SJoD.

To be fair, it wasn’t all deadly. As a matter of fact we hit a cool bamboo grove that had a huge rock fireplace built in the middle of it. No noticeable walls or anything indicating a house had ever been there so Marci came up with a tale of campers who built it over time. My story was much more sinister about island cannibals and less savory things.

Time for some grillin'!

We followed the path along the creek up to the falls and had to cross over 3 or 4 times. At the first crossing, which was pretty hairy, we met up with a young woman coming down. She said the only advice she could give was: follow the pink ribbons. It was good she did. There were a few times during the trek of SJoD where we wondered which way to go only to see the lonely pink ribbon marking the more muddy of the choices of direction.

About 20 minutes from the falls, the periodic showers decided more water was required for about 15 minutes. It POURED!!! On the plus side, all that rainfall helped hide the fact I was sweating up a storm. Seriously, the last time I was sweating that bad, I was taking a leadership course in the Army in the middle of Kansas in the middle of summer and it made my very faded BDUs look like they were brand new because they were soaking wet. Soaking wet described my entire outfit except for my socks. All hail Keen for keeping a foot dry. After that heavier rain, we both looked like drowned rats…but we were almost to the falls!

The falls were awesome. Along the way, we passed multiple people who would tell us their vague guess on how long we had to go followed by “it’s totally worth it”. They were not wrong. If you have the chance, enough water, and a couple of cliff bars, go for it.

Jim at the falls

We stayed for a while, had our “lunch” of Cliff bars and started back. When we hit the worst part of SJoD (the Romancing the Stone section) my fears proved to be real and I was sliding with every step. More mud caked onto the mud already caked onto our shoes to make slippers of mud that slid in the muddy mud of the SJoD. Fun times!

We made it back to the midway point without breaking anything and started back to the trailhead immediately. The climb back that had been prophesied to suck going back did, indeed, suck. Marci, being in ridiculous shape due to ice skating 5 days a week, wasn’t even huffing much. I sounded like a freight train, but remembering the threats that gave birth to the idea that Marci was indeed trying to kill me, I didn’t complain…much :-D

We made it back to the car 8 miles and 6.5 hours later. We wearily made it back to the hotel, showered and went for some Thai food before heading back and falling asleep. I was pooped.

Today, we dove and went to Waimea Canyon. I am tired of writing and have long since passed the Tam Bui “you write too much” limit so I will stop for now. Pictures of fish and Marci trying to catch a Sea Turtle coming soon!

Aloha, Bitches…and remember: it’s our time…the people’s time.
Jim